when will the reflection shows who i am.

many things not worth mentioning especially it does not bring about any optimistic emotions out of me. yes seriously i am depressed. and i am more than depressed now. all these feelings choking me up. strangling me into tears. i know my worth has to be determined by myself and not by someone's impression of me. but indeed i do mean something significant to my other half, i believe i should be far happier now. perhaps i need to stop approaching everyone with the intent to fill such a role.i will only be disappointed and it's not fair to myself or anyone else. sounds farmiliar? kind of quoted cum edited it from my past entries.

am i self deprieved? nothing i ever lack of. i am significant to many many others.
i do have abundance of love and passion. i am showered with so much care n concern. i am... empty. is it wrong to say this. for i say this with guilt. it points out the fact that i am un-appreciate of the people around me that are working hard to bring such a smile on my face. but i cant help feeling this way.

can i be self-less? can i dis-regard my personal feelings? can i shuffed out all Redundant emotions of mine. can i? perhaps i'm selfish. thats why i'm sharing my unhappiness by releasing my displeasure of my self through words n words here. if i used to stand strong for my desires, hopes and dreams. where have they gone to now. where are my beliefs? where are those excessiveness that i've displayed thru the days. where.. when emotions bleed into mine. where souls comingled and unable to be pulled away from. i search frantically. rage building within. anger targetted at my own reflection. fury at my own image. i wonder how real am i. i have no idea now. i am lost in ... time.

terrified dreams.